DIAMONDS (On The Inside)

2010-08-06T20:43:00.003-04:00

damn the time difference.

2010-07-17T11:47:00.004-04:00

pictures of me, ky austin & my furry children!

& if it gets too late, for me to wait...

2010-07-05T18:53:00.002-04:00

(once my flame) & twice my burn...

2010-06-19T15:58:00.003-04:00

this is not what i want, but this is reality.

& sometimes this is how it will be.

because i've experienced an indescribable euphoria & i want to bring you along.
why wouldn't i? you are an extension of me, the better part of me.

(that is my though process & it has always been -)

but i see that i can't force it.

& i am out of energy & emotion when it comes to this.

words dwell in me but they won't show themselves for you all to see,
take this as it is & just let it be...

its true.

2010-05-03T21:05:00.001-04:00

showmeyourpapers

2010-05-03T13:45:00.000-04:00

....but, really what's the point?

2010-04-23T19:39:00.001-04:00

To Your Love
FIONA APPLE

Here's another speech you wish I'd swallow
Another cue for you to fold your ears
Another train of thought too hard to follow
Chuggin' along to the song that belongs to the shifting of gears

Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive me for my distance
The shame is manifest in my resistance

To your love
To your love
To your love

I would've warned you, but really, what's the point?
Caution could but rarely ever helps
Don't be down, my demeanor tends to disappoint
It's hard enough even trying to be civil to myself

Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive me for my distance
The shame is manifest in my resistance

To your love
To your love
To your love

My derring-do allows me to
Dance the rigadoon around you
But by the time I'm close to you
I lose my desideratum and now you
So now you

Have it, so tell me, baby, what's the word?
Am I your gal or should I get out of town?
I just need to be reassured
Do you just deal it out or can you deal with all that I lay
Down?

Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive me for my distance
The shame is manifest in my resistance

To your love
To your love
To your love

To your love (To your love)
To your love (To your love)
To your love (To your love)

To your love
To your love

ASK YOURSELF.

2010-04-23T16:54:00.001-04:00

SHIMMER&SHINE

2010-04-20T19:28:00.001-04:00

not over yet..

2010-04-15T20:06:00.004-04:00

Who Was I Kidding?
Martha Wainwright

Left the pain before the dawn
She never thought it would or could be easy
Been inclined to carry on
Hold my hard head
And watch you walk out on me
See the tears one by one
They fall down my hard head
Forever
Forevermore

Fall around into the ground
Deep down
Far as you can

Go out tonight and meet the dawn again
It'd be nice to see an old friend
Learn to accept the things I am
I never liked myself before
Now even less
When it rains it pours
Down my hard head forever
Forevermore

Fall down into the ground
Deep down
Far as you can
Who was I kidding
Who was I kidding

Oh, your record label hasn't come through yet
You've gained some weight
And all you can think is
When the Romeo's gonna show
Oh, I know, babe,
You're the best thing yet
But take it from me
I would if I could
Fuck it all

Your mother loves you
Your daddy needs you
Your brother feeds you

Far as you can
Who was I kidding

back on track

2010-04-13T23:08:00.002-04:00

& she speaks inside a cloud.

2010-04-12T01:03:00.001-04:00

exciting myself because i'm exploring all the rest

& i promise, i'll bring everyone along.

i'll find a place for each & every one.

quickrant

2010-04-11T02:05:00.007-04:00

PROGRESS

(with happiness/stress somewhere in the near future).

debating on whether to push yourself or not defeats the whole purpose.
so you do, mindlessly -

& soon, you'll have a great reward.

whether you've achieved greatness or not,
you've stepped out of your comfort zone.

SELF (part one).

2010-04-11T01:44:00.006-04:00

What does it all even mean? (Any of it).

I am controlled by emotion only.

Their motives, unknown -
Yet their presence is felt all throughout my life.

Creating this anxious, unhappy & judgemental person that I see most days.

Or, the loving optimistic person that others tend to see.
The one who can find joy in every passing moment.
The one with numerous flaws, & minimal self-doubt.

I wish I could see her when others do.
I wish I could see myself as others do.

My perspective is so limited.

What does it all even mean? (Any of it).

You don't figure it out.
You live, absorb, learn -

You progress, constantly
(no matter what your definition of progression is).

It never stops, not for anyone.
But, you can stop it.

You can stop it by deciding to live by your very own standards on every level of your life.

What does it all even mean? (Any of it).

gypsy woman.

2010-03-31T18:21:00.001-04:00

Kelis - Acapella
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

won't do no good to sing no love song

2010-03-29T17:49:00.001-04:00

waking up to kingdom come (but it is)

2010-03-21T19:38:00.003-04:00

Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note
by: Amiri Baraka

Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus...

Things have come to that.

And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.

Nobody sings anymore.

And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there...
Only she on her knees, peeking into

Her own clasped hands

incosistent, baby...

2010-03-16T00:34:00.001-04:00

basketcase

2010-03-01T20:11:00.001-05:00

brian jonestown massacre "lego fucking mental" from anton newcombe on Vimeo.

anything to make you smile

2010-02-26T20:53:00.003-05:00

"..It's remarkable what a face like that will make you do to see it smile again"
- Zadie Smith
On Beauty

Paris Nights/ New York Mornings

2010-02-24T10:48:00.005-05:00

"Paris Nights/ New York Mornings" is the second single from Corinne's sophomore album; "The Sea"

Directed by: Charles Mehling

Watch Corinne perform live at The Hiro Ballroom in New York on Live from the Artist's Den.

...here in my void

2010-02-20T12:03:00.002-05:00

"Love and allow yourself to be loved in an open and honest way. I wish that for everyone including myself."
- Hill Harper

one way to love

2010-02-19T23:18:00.005-05:00

I don't have the ability to analyze the better parts -

I speak for the unhappy moments, the ones where your heart becomes a fist & it's punching you from the inside out. The ones when you settle (because it'll just go on forever), but your body & mind are still enraged.

I'm an expert at feeling like this -

& "this" is a myriad of emotions,
about dozens of situations and people.

being here, with you means:
throwing myself out of my comfort zone, and into a slow-burning fire.
& saying that you're right (often), when you're wrong as hell.

getting my feet wet & walking barefoot on the ice.
& wanting to be romantic but hiding it behind cold glances because i feel that what you deserve.

missing out on potential fun because i am not equipped & letting you go into situations that will eventually evolve into one of "those" fights.

(everything turns into a fight)

it means getting along (less than), 1/2 of the time
it means trying to figure out who the fuck i am in all of this!
& realizing that there is no finding, only embracing, learning, growing...loving.

it's knowing that you have someone who loves you:
when you say horrible things that you don't really mean.
when you're bitchy, bloated & unbearable.
when you look & feel like crap.

i'm attempting to live through the bitter moments & live in the lovelier ones.

i can't process all of the cliche quotes about living in the moment
& making the most of each day as if it's your last.

they, like most things are so much easier said than done.

hungryhungryhippos

2010-02-19T22:08:00.010-05:00

Tonight my sister & i decided to make "pita pizzas" for dinner while watched the figure skating portion of the winter Olympics.

Jordan's concoctions consisted of:

shredded cheddar & mozzarella
sun dried tomatoes
rosemary
artichokes

& the second:

shredded cheddar & mozzarella
anchovies
turkey sausage
dill
sun dried tomatoes

she ate her food in like two seconds, so i didn't get a chance to taste it:(
(but the smelled so damn good!)

my picture doesn't do my tasty treats any justice!

my first one was:

shredded mozzarella + parmesan
sun dried tomatoes
artichokes
basil pesto
rosemary
anchovies

& the second was pretty simple:

shredded mozzarella
smoked salmon
dill
artichokes

back at it

2010-02-18T16:52:00.014-05:00

Well guys, Johnson&Jonson (aka Blu & Mainframe) are back at it with a new mixtape & record label; "New World Color." Here is the video for "Disco D.Y.N.A.M.I.T.E.", directed by A.C.R.O.N.Y.M

Disco Dynamite from A.C.R.O.N.Y.M on Vimeo.

check their BLOG for tracks & updates

ch-ch-ch-changeeees

2010-02-17T19:58:00.001-05:00

another blog facelift, this one has been a couple of weeks in the making.
not sure if i'll keep this, or keep tampering with it :)

don't you wanna see these clothes on me?

2010-02-16T12:09:00.043-05:00

Here are (some of) my favorite looks from NYC fashion week!

Behnaz Sarafpour

Peter Som

Rachel Roy

Bibhu Mohapatra

Chris Benz

Alex Wang

A Détacher

Marc Jacobs

Alice + Olivia

Preen

Zac Posen

Halston

boy By Band of Outsiders

Shipley & Halmos

Monique Lhuillier

Doo.Ri

rachel roy pre-fall 2010.

2010-02-15T23:46:00.007-05:00

i should have posted these awhile ago but, i suffer from laziness (not to mention i'm very easily distracted) nevertheless, here are my favorite looks.

donttrustthem.

2010-02-02T23:12:00.001-05:00

nirvana unplugged cover...

& the original...

imjustagirl(intheworld)

2010-01-17T21:31:00.000-05:00

it's been a year my dear.

2010-01-16T15:38:00.003-05:00

....missing summer.

the art of living...

2010-01-04T21:08:00.000-05:00

let your light shine.
be a source of strength & courage.
share your wisdom.
radiate love.
- wilfred peterson

you're my favorite thing by far

2009-12-29T16:11:00.001-05:00

i was talking to preachy-preach about a kissy-kiss.

2009-12-29T14:53:00.008-05:00

"Saulsalito Witch" by Shel Silverstein

Well, she wakes up filled with joy and hope
Immediately checks her horoscope
Find out which side of the bed she should get up on.
Then she calls a seance around the table
Ask Cleopatra and Clark Gable
Whether or not she should
Put her bra with the double-A cup on.

Takes a spin on the ouija board,
Asked the blessings of the lord
As she throws her e-Ching on the ground,
And then she checks her hand to see
If while she was sleeping mysteriously
Somebody snuck in changed her life line all around.

And I looked out her window at the Sausalito Bay...
Plane flying low over Gate Five, and I missed it.
Well, I should be in Chicago now,
But I stayed one extra day,
And Sausalito Witch has got me twisted.
Got me twisted.

She wears a Star of David
And a crucifix.
And she's only turned occasional tricks
To pay the rent till I come along to save her.
Start lickin' my toes
And when I groan, she says
"Go away". She wants to be alone
With a cold bottle that a guru gave her.

She says she ain't loved nuthin'
Since she lost a copy of 'The Little Prince'
And that rumor about her and her grilfriend,
There ain't nuthin to it.
But she only makes love on September 22
And the belle of the dance
The night she beckons
And she reckons that it'll be another year
Before we have a chance to do it.

And the houseboat keeps on rockin' on Sausalito Bay
A plane flying over Gate Five
And I missed it.
Well, I should be in Chicago now,
But I stayed one extra day.
And Sausalito Witch has got me twisted.
Got me twisted.

She's a natural girl.
She's got a natural look.
She eats nature foods.
She got natural needs
Like a little early-morning wake-up speed,
And if you got a little bit a smack,
She just might try it.
Then she smokes some shit
But that's all right.
That's just to help her appetite.
And that Dex she took that's just to help her diet.
Well, she dropped some acid to free her soul
Takes Enovid for birthcontrol
Teriomyacin for her non-specific
She snorts some coke to help her ball
And goes to sleep with Seconol
And then tells me, "Ain't this natural life terrific?"

And the houseboat keeps on rockin'
On Sausalito Bay.
A plane flying over Gate Five
And I missed it.
Well, I should be in Chicago,
But I stayed one extra day.
And Sausalito Witch has got me twisted.
Say, Sausalito Witch has got me twisted.
Sausalito Witch has got me turned around
And talkin' to my elbow....

asa nisi masa

2009-12-27T11:57:00.003-05:00

my top 25 of 2009

2009-12-24T12:36:00.003-05:00

"Veckamist" - Grizzly Bear
"Rain Machine" - Rain Machine
"Embryonic" - The Flaming Lips
"Wilco (the album)" - Wilco
"The Hazards of Love" - The Decemberists
"The Ecstatic" - Mos Def
"Eating Us" - Black Moth Super Rainbow
"Merriweather Post Pavillion" - Animal Collective
"Noble Beast" - Andrew Bird
"Primary Colors" - The Horrors
"Attention Deficit" - Wale
"Before the Frost...After the Freeze"- The Black Crowes
"Mean Everything to Nothing" - Manchester Orchestra
"Lungs" - Florence & the Machine
"Guns don't kill people...Lazers Do" - Major Lazer
"Hold Time" - M.Ward
"IRM" - Charlotte Gainsbourg
"Man on the Moon: The End of the Day" - Kid Cudi
"Phrazes for the Young" - Julian Casablancas
"Middle Cyclone" - Neko Case
"No One's First and You're Next" (EP) - Modest Mouse
"55 Cadillac" - Andrew W.K.
"Outer South" - Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band
"Time of the Assassins" - Nickel Eyes
"Fire Kite" (EP) - Eisley

& you told me you wanted to eat up my sadness.

2009-12-08T12:55:00.001-05:00

forgot just how much i love this song...

ineverdidanythingtoyouman

2009-12-08T00:11:00.004-05:00

"you fondle my trigger, then you blame my gun."
-fiona apple

acid.eyes//anxious.skin

2009-12-06T21:02:00.006-05:00

the moment i stopped fighting it, i won.
& now, i must translate this feeling into every aspect of my life -

these words are easy
& the moments, difficult.

embrace.embrace.embrace...
& i'll continue to figure it "it" out as i go on with this life.

support us. support me?

2009-11-30T20:45:00.001-05:00

sour d/kitten poop

2009-11-28T01:02:00.004-05:00

Nico Marigold made her photobooth debut:

bits+pieces. speak,speak,speak.

2009-11-24T14:02:00.002-05:00

peaceful little life/quaint/return

2009-11-24T00:13:00.013-05:00

until we escape from what ever it is that we lack,
we must make the most of each & every moment.

the painful ones; because we know something wonderful is on it's way.

the beautiful ones; because life gives you so many.

it's such a gift to feel -
& even more to articulate it so others can easily comprehend.

well, maybe not the latter? i don't think self-expression is about comprehension
(unless that's your ultimate goal)

i'm not to sure what mine is, or even that i have one -

i just know that everything is absolutely lovely, as is he :)

i've made so much sense of many of the things that have brought me anxious thoughts
& sleepless nights. not saying i'm "complete" because i don't believe that such a thing exists, only satisfied when i'm "progressing"/"searching"/"moving forward" - without it comes the emptiness that i dread.

i'm very content & i think this time around i can retain the information, & put it to use.
i'll exude all of the aspects of my being - & they'll have no choice but to acknowledge.

icantteachyouhowtodoit.

2009-11-24T00:04:00.007-05:00

"as long as they think we're crazy, we're safe."
- Adele Lawson

jean.leopold.dominique

2009-11-22T02:10:00.001-05:00

......

2009-11-18T23:40:00.004-05:00

"you're all i need, you're all i need
you're all i need, you're all i need
you're all i need, you're all i need
you're all i need..
..& maybe some faith would do me good"

playwithme

2009-11-12T16:50:00.001-05:00

brokenobsessivethoughts.

2009-10-31T12:06:00.002-04:00

please&thankya

2009-10-27T18:04:00.001-04:00

you can't learn

2009-10-24T01:33:00.009-04:00

found this poem by Mary Golden & decided that i am in love with it.
it's basically the thoughts & emotions that i am experiencing
(& haven't had the time to process)

POETRY IS NOT FOR SOBs

To see the world
For what it is
Pensive on passion private personal desires
Holding destiny at the tip of my fingers
Hunting, hinting, hoping for those
High, heighted hopes
Blowing, beating the walls, begging for candles to be blown
Crossing linear lines with long miles to go
Can completion of a certainty complete its course
-Mary Golden

some things you can't learn, they can't be taught. they are naturally embedded within who we are -- whether we find these things & figure out how to utilize them is completely up to us. but you can't force things, just live & leave things where they should be, no need for the rest:)

see you in my nightmares

2009-10-18T20:49:00.005-04:00

been hearing about this for awhile & here it is, finally. your thoughts?

thankyoufalettinmebemiceelf

2009-10-18T18:58:00.004-04:00

so it seems it was merely the end of the beginning, not the other way around.
(although on nights/days like this i still allow myself to wonder).

and

i believe,
i believe,
i believe.

not the same way as you...
but, i do.

allaroundyou//allaroundme

2009-10-14T23:27:00.002-04:00

if i weren't so overly-critical of myself (& un-organized), i'd probably be alittle more productive.

headache after headache because i'm not worthy--
& i've been spending up all of my time, just like i should.

always feeling that there is something better beyond this moment
& that i should be indulging in it...

i'd be completely contradicting myself to say that i am content, but i feel incomplete (at times)

oh well, i'm nevereverever satisfied.. that's just the way it goes.

as long as i'm content & i embrace the joyful moments, i'll have continue to have peace.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
trying to quiet down that anxious girl in me, i have everything i need

have you ever, ever, ever in your long-legged life?

2009-10-09T21:05:00.005-04:00

images via the loveeely rumi over at fashiontoast

crazy little thing called love

2009-10-09T00:06:00.001-04:00

cover...

...& the original

delicate

2009-09-19T11:03:00.003-04:00

"be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. when you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." lao tzu

rararachel(roy)

2009-09-10T01:59:00.007-04:00

rachel roy has been one of my favorite designers for awhile now & when i found out that vogue.tv was doing a behind the scenes story on her, well -- i died (& came back to post it.) enjoy:)

so happy that she's getting the recognition that she deserves!
here's a link to a FACEBOOK GROUP that i created back in 2007 to celebrate rachel & her designs.

(make it) disappear.

2009-09-03T20:31:00.005-04:00

didn't bother to get out of bed,
but i can still feel the sense of purpose.

i know the frustration very well & i've let it hold me back.

& i hear their frivolous shouts in the hallway
& the smell of gasoline their inhibits me from reaching my daily goal.

met the deadlines, if only i could sit down & do the rest...

& that's that

2009-09-02T20:52:00.006-04:00

tomorrow, i'll breathe & tonight, i'll read.

i won't fix anything that's broken
& i won't pick-up anything that we've dropped.

i'll live, according to my standards & without expectations.

& i'll continue to be where i am, with you
(as long as you don't condemn me for my neurotic ways.)

i'll keep the focus, & keep working towards the purpose.

i'll take everything for what it is in this very moment.

-----------------------------------------------------

this is the last time i'll allow myself to be here.

can't you see that i am trying?

2009-09-02T20:46:00.004-04:00

new blu

2009-09-01T15:06:00.008-04:00

so, my boyfriend on the side has released a new instrumental ep; "No Sleep for a Day"

1)"Gold"
2) "Dolt"
3) "NumOne"
4)"Go2Sleep"
5) "TwoStep"
6)"Ludie"
7)"No Mine"

& it's already at home with my existing playlists:)

download it here.

image via google

seeds in the ashtray..

2009-08-20T20:24:00.000-04:00

Gypsy Woman - Tim Buckley

(tell me of love) speak about.

2009-08-18T00:46:00.009-04:00

i've seen the beauty,

but what is it without consistency?

you offer balance -- & i seek it earnestly.

to exchange energy is to generate clarity.

& again, i ask -- what is it without consistency?

temporary?

temporary.

because i never forget,

i just believe that i am strong enough to continue.

& so far, i've consistently proven myself wrong.

do you remember the time?

2009-08-15T01:33:00.001-04:00

'scuse me while i kiss the sky

2009-08-13T15:23:00.004-04:00

still suffering from writer's block/brain overload...
..too much energy, inspiration, etc; & not enough productivity.

taking a quick break from "diamonds on the inside" to focus on my other projects.

renovations coming soooon :):)

back

2009-08-12T16:41:00.003-04:00

i've missed my own handwriting...

& i'll go last...

2009-08-09T12:26:00.002-04:00

Most Likely You Go Your Way (And Ill Go Mine) - Bob Dylan

final?

2009-08-07T11:51:00.013-04:00

because my actions speak louder
& clearer than these words ever will.
& it has nothing to do with my writer's block.

lovelyyyy

2009-08-07T02:01:00.002-04:00

finally, they've released to trailer for "the lovely bones"

are you as ecstatic as me?

via pedestrian.

the end of the beginning... or vice versa.

2009-08-06T18:27:00.010-04:00

treating my wants as needs
taking my own advice

& finally, keeping some things for me.

magical world

2009-08-05T21:03:00.011-04:00

still suffering from a severe case of writer's block...
i've gotten so used to written things about/for other people, that i've lost my voice.

but i'm still here
growing, merging, creating...
everyday brings me something that i didn't have before & i am truly grateful for this moment.

everything is wonderful, beautiful...not conventional
& i'm sure it's unfathomable to you because you're just not as self - aware
(that's why i am here & you are there)

you laugh so loud in the distance, behind my back
& i'm here to let you that you've done no harm.
so just smile, smile on...
...you have something to be happy about
you've cleared of worry,
you've cleared my of difficulty

nothing bears heavy on this soul.

...everything that needed to be said, has been said
& everything that needed to be done, has been..

i've left those people & situations in the past;
so i can embrace the present & prepare for the future.

i hate no one.
i am grateful for everything.
i hope you find the gift that i have.

Magical World - Rotary Connection

life's a beach (house)

2009-08-02T02:32:00.021-04:00

beach house are an indie-rock/dream-pop band out of baltimore -- consisting of;
singer & organ player victoria legrand & alex scanny on guitar & keyboards.

victoria's voice is rich, haunting & even reminiscent of nico at times.
their music blends dark & light elements with a simplistic 1960's french pop sound, it's lovely.

images via google

their next show is a late night outdoor show, right here in baltimore at metro gallery on august 7th.

here are "apple orchard", "gila" & "used to be" -- i think it's safe to say that i am in love, hope you enjoy them as much as i do!

check them out on myspace & their official site.

writer's block

2009-07-29T01:29:00.030-04:00

attainability vs. sustainability.

tons of energy --
even more expectation & excitement.

i just want to let you know that everything up until this point has been so incredibly hard for me but, i'll continue to press on...

merge/create <-- that'll be us, right? security/stability, the next goal. i've been trying to say it for so long, but everything got in the way rage anger jealousy, it comes & it goes. & i get a certain sense of satisfaction once i realize it's mine. on again, off again -- but less of the latter. it's there, i just need to grab a hold of it & cultivate it. after all, it is mine... well, ours.

.... & that's that.

remember, remember, remember this (for awhile)

2009-07-22T00:39:00.013-04:00

this is this, & that was that
(which applies to everything)
the sooner i comprehend this (&that),
the sooner i'll progress towards whatever the goal is at the moment.

baby-steps.
baby-steps.
baby-steps.

then, i'll make up my mind & put the plan into action

& live in the moment
& take it all in
without analyzing every segment
without losing what makes me, me.

you're all so lost (as am i) but the difference is i give a damn, & you don't.
here i come --
i may be be joining you without being there
or join you & let you see it for yourself.

finally.

all of this energy put into the temporary & the exterior --
should've been feeding this, so it can be permanent.

i'm sorry. but i'm learning..

...& i'm back (& i intend to be for awhile)
that's enough of all of all of this, for awhile...

stroked

2009-07-22T00:00:00.004-04:00

preview of julian casablancas side - project; "phrazes for the young"

i enjoy the strokes as a whole & each member's side project has been really satisfying, to me.
& i'm sure this one will be as well!

in a nutshell

2009-07-14T12:20:00.013-04:00

even when it's gray, it's blue

& i'm listening when you think i'm not

& i see everything when you think i can't

i read between the lines, fill in the blanks & whatever else i deem necessary to draw a rational conclusion

so, don't disappoint me

(& don't disappoint me by not disappointing me)

& please know exactly what to say (& when to say it)

& love me, love me, love me, love me -- especially when i tell you not to

& prove it to me (& not only when you think everythings at stake)

she & him [redux]

2009-07-11T17:04:00.009-04:00

collaboration....

I told you were beautiful

Relax

Chill

Think

Prioritize shit

I need it

I love her

Cluttered ass mind

Get everything out

Vacation

Stride

Take it in stride

Know myself?

Just a person.

Don’t even know what type.

Gfknknkjjkjkjnkjnknkjnjknkjnkjlnknuiniunihg vnbmnbvnvhgvhmnbmnbmnbvghvbn

And that eats me up..

Just let if flow.

Easier said than done.

Im honest

temporary lapse of judgement

im flawed

vanity

desired

rejected , left alone

bottles & blunts

everything i ever wanted vs.

im flawed, im flawed, im flawed - & it has nothing to with any of this

lost in my thoughts

get out

live

easier said, than done

lie

easier done, than said

love exists

vacation

just enough

live there & let go

bed

see me how you see her & the rest

merge

understand

take the lead

don't leave, even if i say so...

release/reminder

2009-07-06T18:33:00.007-04:00

take the good with the bad. take the good with the bad. take the good with the bad. take the good with the bad.

Parting Gift - Fiona Apple

O Sailor - Fiona Apple

for the moment

2009-07-01T14:59:00.009-04:00

progressing & productive.
new - found happiness, enjoying every second of it.
it's all in my hands, finally -

& there's no such thing as complete. there's no such thing as together, fore everyday brings challenge, tragedy, happiness. hold on to the ones that matter & let the others pass.

progress for yourself & everything else will happen as it's supposed to.

searching for a former clarity

2009-06-29T02:20:00.007-04:00

Horoscopes

Sunday June 28th 2009 -
"It's unclear as to what you should do next. The Moon's visit into your mystical 12th House continues to reveal how you can create your life by dreaming it first. But this isn't meant to suggest that you should avoid reality by living in your fantasies. Be ready for the Moon's shift to your sign later this afternoon, for it could mean that a swift realignment of your attitude will put you back in touch with your feelings." -- via twitter

Monday June 29th 2009
"Welcome back to the world of the living, morgan. You've been so pre-occupied with your existential questions lately that you have been missing the point about letting go and enjoying playing the hand that life has dealt you. Now you're more in tune and present in your daily life, more able to recognize and appreciate the joy that you can find moment to moment. It's been an important discovery. Well done!" --via msn

it's always the same feelings over & over. it's just that each time i perceive them differently, seeing the good before the bad but typically the other way around.
it's a cycle no matter how hard i try to convince myself otherwise.

coffee break, lunch at noon.

2009-06-28T05:11:00.006-04:00

i'll never be one of those people who just live -
make mistakes, learn from them, connect the dots & that's that.
not me. i have to dissect every single thought i have, every single situation i experience. in analyzing these things i allow them to be apart of me , without gaining any clarity.
i give them permission to dictate my every emotion. i leave myself confused, reclusive & bitter. hating the world because i can't understand myself enough to deal with day - to - day life.

there's always this onslaught of emotions
& i can never articulate them into words.
i don't know how i feel, i just feel.
analyzing isn't understanding but i don't know i'll ever really understand that.

the greatest.

2009-06-26T23:24:00.008-04:00

there are so many songs i could have posted but this is one of my favorite songs, ever.

Rest In Peace MJ.

i can't win

2009-06-17T21:21:00.007-04:00

i know i'm not that strong when it comes to this, but i've allowed myself to be. so what's to be done about the situation at hand? i wish you'd just lead the way but you've showed no interest in taking on that responsibility & i can understand that, i just don't want to.

i can't control my emotions & since jealousy is one of them, i guess i'll just continue to be. i can't compete with all of these thoughts, ideas, people, machines.

i don't understand & i'm pretty sure i never will. i refuse to conform, i refuse to adapt. sorry. but i will do what i do in any other situation i am uncomfortable with, pretend that it doesn't bother me.

soon enough you'll see what i see because changes are being made under the surface & behind the back of this union.

surrounded by all that is typical & yet you claim to be beyond that. that's what i'm here for, right? it bothers me how habitual it is for you. it bothers me that you can't grasp the concept.

but, that's enough rambling for now -

test

it's all i ask but it's still too much

2009-06-02T11:49:00.003-04:00

stubborn (i let my tea get cold)

same little headache.
always the same tension and it has nothing to do with anything -

everything comes out of nowhere and lands in my lap. but this time around i'm (really) keeping some things for me. and next time i won't hold on for the sake of holding on, i'll let go because i'll realize that it needs to be done. even though it'll be harder because i'll be further in.

you can tell by my smile, that i'm a child

2009-05-15T14:25:00.003-04:00

Crayon Rings by Timothy Liles:

i'm pretty sure that rings are my absolute favorite accessory & i'm pretty sure that i need these in my life!

click here for more information & other pieces by Timothy Liles.

cleva

2009-05-13T16:52:00.004-04:00

i'm getting so much better at cooking! seriously, i went from barely being able to boil water to making dinner almost every night. the funniest part about the whole thing is that i don't even know how i learned. i didn't watch a show or read a book, i just started experimenting and it worked!

chicken corn chowder i made my grams for lunch yesterday.

cakes & cupcakes
(my sister did the icing)

i made lunch for my mom and sister last month. grilled eggplant & asparagus, bruschetta and mini lox w/ cucumber & cream cheese.

heavy with the mood

2009-05-12T21:50:00.003-04:00

here's an excerpt from something i've been working on "strange magic"

.. But it seems like there's always tension and the source is never clear.
I know that you blame it on me and I blame it on you, and sometimes for a split second we blame ourselves but the truth is never really learned and the matter is never discussed. We drop it. (Or at least that's what it looks like, i keep it repressed inside and try to make everything thereafter seem natural.)

Blow away my Blues,
Sip away my Stress.
And vice versa.

You never learn and neither do I. You never see the problem and I don't know how to produce the solution...

heavy with the mood

puffy eyes.

2009-05-10T17:41:00.014-04:00

because my ego isn't swollen
because i don't think too highly of myself
because i let my imperfections rule me
because i'm impulsive

i've allowed this
i've allowed myself to feel inferior by people.
people who are disoriented, people have no sense of reality.
people that i am better than -
there i go contradicting myself and being a hypocrite

i should've been more secure with myself
i should've been more secure with us
& you should have defended me

just saying. but let me press resume and pretend everything's fine until it actually is

thoughts of me, thoughts of she, thoughts of he

2009-05-03T19:04:00.002-04:00

the past is the past, plain & simple.
do not consume yourself with thoughts of what was.
that goes for me, you, them, her, him & anyone else.

a year ago i had more to offer the world, or so i thought.
yes, i was much much more independent but i was naive.
falling for the traps, left and right.

now i am falling for the traps of my conflicted mind
but i have found a new sense of peace and clarity.
i appreciate that much more than the "independence" that i am longing for.

& i don't know what's good for me

2009-05-03T00:17:00.007-04:00

" I just can't deal with this
I'm still afraid to be there
Among your hounds of love
And feel your arms surround me
I've always been a coward
And never know what's good for me" - kate bush

soul amazing

2009-05-01T00:05:00.000-04:00

Erykah Badu and Artist Steven Lopez collaborate for social change from Steven Lopez on Vimeo .

Steven Lopez's Official Site

hair down/cleanse. clarity.

2009-04-23T00:37:00.005-04:00

hairdown/cleanse. (play these OVER & OVER)

"your summer dress" - dirty on purpose
"love" - mos def
"suddenly everything has changed" - flaming lips
"oceanside" - decemberists
"love tones" - duke spirit
"over and over again (lost and found)" - clap your hands and say yeah
"pardon my freedon" - !!!
"he loves me" - jill scott
"brandy of the damned (mark ronson remix)" - nickel eye ft. wale
"untitled (loved u) 2" - blu
"hey man" - nelly furtado
"babylon" - outkast
"on the night that my love broke through" - cold war kids
"my favourite book" - stars
"blow your mind" -jamiroquai
"thinking it over" - cody chestnuTT

CLARITY
happier now. i've begun to live like you. i'm accepting the fact that negative things will happen & they may change who i am but i can no longer carry them with me as baggage. they show on my face and in everything i do. i'm happier now, thank you :)

"the things you own end up owning you." - Chuck Palahniuk

low-han.

2009-04-22T14:12:00.007-04:00

just when we think she's hit rock bottom....

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

mary & me.

2009-04-20T00:30:00.004-04:00

happy toking.

photo via photobucket.

tweet, tweet baby

2009-04-13T02:22:00.003-04:00

i've been debating for some time now about getting a twitter. hearing about it all the time is so annoying and when i heard my 76 year old grandma talking about "tweeting on twitter", i definitely decided that i wasn't going to get one. but i still don't know..

to tweet, or not to tweet ... that is the question.

brand new start?

2009-04-10T16:20:00.012-04:00

i have come to realize i am equal parts optimist & cynic, i am accepting this fact - instead of making up excuses like i usually would. given the events of the last couple of weeks my brain has been in a frenzy & nothing makes sense, specifically the one thing that was supposed to come easy & make the most sense. the only thing i can do is let the inner optimist come out and CREATE a fresh start for myself, since no one else is going to do it for me & being pessimistic hasn't gotten me too far. besides, my horoscope for today confirms all of these feelings that i've been having & what i've been thinking. so why not go for it? i realize it's so much easier said than done, but i'm gonna try. with this fresh start i have to stop dwelling in the past and stop waiting for the future, live in the now and experience everything as it's happening. this 'change' is really about appreciating the people that are in my life, while they're in my life.

little joy - "brand new start"(acoustic)

my horoscope for 4.10.09
“The celestial atmosphere today encourages you to make a fresh start. Although these words may be enough to strike terror into your heart, don't let them, as this could be the most positive thing that you have allowed yourself to do for some time. In the depths of your being you know that this is what you really want, so get ready to do it.” - via msn

“let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – marcel proust (a quote that I’ve been fond of)

"in the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip." - daniel l. reardon (something that i just stumbled upon)

oh, fiona

2009-04-06T00:51:00.003-04:00

Fiona Apple covered Cy Coleman's "Why try to change me now?" for the "That was then and this is now: a tribute to cy coleman ep" Even though it's not original material i am still excited to hear something new from her! Hopefully, she'll be putting out new material soon!

THE ORIGINAL

my boyfriends back

2009-04-01T03:10:00.021-04:00

in america pete doherty is known better for his drug use and relationship with kate moss, not his music. it's really unfortunate because he's a very talented muscian,poet and artist. at any rate, the ex - lead singer of the libertines and current lead singer of babyshambles just released his debut solo album "grace/wastelands" on emi/astralworks records.

"Arcady"
"Last of the English Roses"
"1939 Returning"
"A Little Death Around the Eyes"
"Salomè"
"I Am the Rain"
"Sweet by and By"
"Palace of Bone"
"Sheepskin Tearaway"
"Broken Love Song"
"New Love Grows on Trees"
"Lady Don't Fall Backwards"

pete's official site
babyshamble's official site

Interview on Ireland's Late, Late Show (Part One)

(Part Two)

Official video for "Last of the english roses"

photos via google

ALL ABOUT ME

2009-03-30T09:00:00.009-04:00

THINGS I LOVE : food, family & friends. ky, chillie, music, words, art, fashion, film, writing, learning, reading. being lazy, dreaming & trying to decipher the meaning, horoscopes, color, when things go my way, dried flowers, old things.

I FEEL MOST AT HOME : these days i don't really feel at home anywhere, not even home. i felt the most at home when my mother still had her flower shop. when life was simpler & i wasn't consumed with all of the things that i am now. when my whole family got along & holidays were more fulfilling.

I FELT THE MOST FABULOUS WHEN : my junior prom in 2006. my hair didnt come out the way that i wanted but it was before i chopped it all off. up until that point i had never wore that much makeup (except for dance recitals.) i felt fabulous when i danced, being on stage really gives me a rush, i feel like i am someone else. also, when i realized i was really in love with my boyfriend - i had just woke up, didn't have on any makeup and we don't even want to get into the hair (haha) it was just a wonderful moment.

MY DEFINITION OF SEXY : being commanding. being in charge, and owning. whether it's how you look or how you feel. if you own it then no one can take it away from you.

I NOURISH MY WELL - BEING BY : listening to music, when i'm really stressed i listen to nelly furtado's first two albums, and fiona apple's first two albums. it takes my mind back, and it takes me away. reading, writing, breathing deep and taking a long bath.

WHAT'D I'D LIKE MORE OF IN MY LIFE IS : space. i need space away from here to create my life. so i can really get a chance to "hit the grown running." faith. in myself, in others and in God.

WHAT I WANT LESS OF IN MY LIFE IS: anxiety, fear, panic, doubt, insecurity. any kind of negative feeling or feeling of being overwhelmed & stressed.

THE NEGATIVE QUALITIES IN PEOPLE THAT I CAN HARDLY TOLERATE ARE : dishonesty. i don't like vain people and i don't like people that take themselves too serious.racism / prejudice.

IF I WERE GOING TO WRITE A BRILLIANT BOOK IT WOULD BE ABOUT :friendships & relationships. the relationships you have with people, & yourself. relationships. the one's you have with other's & the one you have with yourself.

I TEND TO GET STINGY ABOUT: my laptop tigerlily, it's not intentional. i just always have stuff do. i think i am naturally a giving person - my sister's the stingy one.

I DESCRIBE MY INNER RHYTHM AS :bouncy. each beat is different from the one before.

I RESIST EXCERCISE BECAUSE : i am just a lazy person. i've come to realize and accept that. i've actually just started exercising haha

I AM COMPLETELY UNINTERESTED IN OR BORES BY: nothing really bores me except sitting in the house and twiddling my thumbs haha.

A TINY PART OF ME SECRETLY WANTS TO: leave here without anyone knowing and go somewhere quiet off of the ocean. where i wouldn't have to worry about anything. i could just exist & live in the moment.

indecisive libra

2009-03-29T08:23:00.010-04:00

"today is a very powerful day for you, dear libra. you may find yourself going to extremes in certain areas of your life, especially when it comes to your romantic nature. you may find yourself being pulled way over to one side, and then way over to the other. at first you may be giving it your all,and the next minute, you may be completely withdrawn. try to find a balance in this game of yo-yo." - via msn.com

-- i didn't sleep last night. i stayed up all night thinking, analyzing & sending whiny text messages to my "therapist" trying to figure out what is wrong? why do i do this? constantly. around 8:00am i checked my horoscope (on msn) & it's right. it's always right.

thank you for reinstating what's already happening horoscope, and not offering any type of solution whatsoever. of course i'll be checking it again tomorrow. i'll apologize then.